A good, clean Christian threesome with Jesus. Sign me up!

We offer great prices on our Christian sex toys and fantastic customer service, while keeping Jesus Christ at the center of it all.

As the topic of religion and sex is always fascinating, one expects the usual “religion is for procreation” talk and that sexual toys are bordering on sin. Though not quite as socially damning as murder, it still is implied that Jesus doesn’t care to watch that Jack Rabbit Vibrator in action.

Therefore, It’s a good thing you have the sexual website of My Beloved Garden to turn to in this crazy, liberal sex-fetish world.

So what do you do if you get a natural urge to engage in some kinky sex with your Christian spouse? Oh, and don’t worry, you won’t be getting this urge from anything that the sinful population engages in, such as Victoria Secret ads or that Wal-Mart lingerie aisle. This urge will most likely come from watching your wife ponder deeply over a Solomon passage or from watching your husband’s lips pucker as he leads the Lord’s Prayer.

But if you do decide to purchase a sex toy…excuse me, “Marital Aid,” then you need to know the dangers of the packaging. That’s one of the great advantages of ordering with My Beloved Garden; you have the peace of mind that you won’t have to sift through those packaging pictures of slim, silicone-injected, airbrushed, white females that grace the covers. And, of course, your husband won’t want to see any of that nonsense either…

So My Beloved Garden has their own disclaimer for their packaging…

… “All our packages are delivered in plain brown boxes with no pictures or writing on them…however the product itself in its original package may have offensive pictures on it. We recommend opening your shipped box together with your spouse…and then dispose safely of the packaging."

Note: to diminish the chance possible lesbian or adulterous thoughts, open it "together with your spouse."

Fantasy/Role play

So, after all those years of sex with the same person, same time, same bed, and same absence of clothes, you want to spice up your sex life a bit. Well, on the topic of fantasy/role play…

"Since God cares about our thoughts, not just our actions, there must be a line in this that we should not cross, but where is that line? A safe way to approach this is to say it's wrong to fantasize or act out anything it would be wrong to actually do. This means you must always play yourselves, not a real movie star or someone you know. It also means you must be married in the fantasy.

If you want to pretend it's several hundred years ago and you are a ship captain and a damsel saved from pirates, go for it (you got married at the nearest port). Or maybe you are husband and wife on a spaceship, exploring the bounds of the universe and the bounds of weightless sex."

I’m sorry, I should have warned about the explicit material you just read.

Fun with Freud

After years of using those two, titillating role-playing techniques that were outlined for you, Freud would be proud if you and your spouse tried Adult Nursing.

"Those who have this kind of relationship say it is a real blessing to them, and their marriage…working very diligently to 're-lactate' so the woman has milk for the husband…we can not find any evidence that there are health reasons to avoid adult nursing, nor can we find a Biblical principle that would preclude it."

I believe that imagination should be left to deal with that topic.

Also, while browsing their lingerie page, notice the airbrushed nipples? Oh, just enough to make a true Saudi zealot proud.

End

Exhaled by Nadia A. @ 8/04/2007 INHALATIONS: 10