Letters to 8-ball Allah

Dear 8-ball Allah,

I’m a great fan of your Qur’an, but I feel like I’m struggling with some issues…. particularly Paradise. Don’t get me wrong, Paradise sounds great, but it seems like there are a lot of women. I get along with women okay, my best friends are all women, and my mom’s pretty cool….but I was just wondering if there are other options, besides the “young, full-breasted maidens of equal age” (v78:33).

-James (Jenine) Francis

Dear James,

Don’t worry, I made Mohammed, my fav prophet, be very specific about Paradise, as stated in my Sura titled “The Mount”:

“And there will go round boy-servants of theirs, to serve them…” (v52:24).

And also in another Sura:

“And round about them will serve boys of everlasting youth. If you see them, you would think them scattered pearls” (v76:19).

I prefer to keep an open mind about these things…

I’m the only one and I’m great,