Answering important questions such as "can Satan read our minds," the "walking bible."Jack Van Impe, calls the European Union the "ten-nation confederacy of the Anti-Christ" (actually, there are 27 nations in the European Union, there hasn't been just 10 nations since 1981).

But the cool thing about Jack Van Impe's ministry is that it is like a top-secret bible prophecy club. You can eagerly await his next plethora of prophecy paranoia in your mailbox and feel like a real CIA agent with his "Van Impe Intelligence Briefing," which is members-only for the "Prophecy Forum!" And, if you feel like you are straying from your godly mission, and experience twinges of truth, you can always rely on Jack Van Impe to update his "Daily Walk Devotional Guide," helping you relate your chaotic, non-linear experiences to vague, miracle-infused messages.

Unfortunately, you better join that club by the year 2012.

Note: God likes logic puzzles and long math equations.