"Take the car keys out of your pocket, before you put your mittens on"
Behind a Spiral Staircase
"Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase." --P.G. Wodehouse.
August is the cruelest month. Did you see Putin's pecks? Dew is on the inside of the windows and work is picking up again. China is getting rid of their virgin chickens.
After the pentagon looses track of 190,000 weapons given to Iraqi security forces, "Iran must stop supporting militants fighting in Iraq." Blame "the others" mr. bush. Iraq fails to meet Key targets, US admits Iranian arrests were a mistake, there is a deadly Cholera outbreak in Iraq, yet Sudan manages to help Iraq's Palestinians.
August is the cruelest month. New York billonare, Leona Helmsley, left $12millon to her pet dog named trouble? Dew is on the inside of the windows and work is picking up again. The Vatican has a new chartered airline.
"Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase." --P.G. Wodehouse.
"The war against terrorism is a new kind of war. It is not the traditional clash between nations adhering to the laws of war that formed the backdrop for [the Geneva Convention Relative to the Treatment of Prisoners of War]...in my judgment, this new paradigm renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners..."
Rove
“If there's a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is.”
"Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 in the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers."
"Just get me a fucking faith-based thing. Got it?" --to David Kuo, Office on Faith-Based Initiatives
Wolfowitz
"I think one has to say it's not just simply a matter of capturing people and holding them accountable, but removing the sanctuaries, removing the support systems, ending states who sponsor terrorism. And that's why it has to be a broad and sustained campaign. It's not going to stop if a few criminals are taken care of."
--Dept of Defense News Briefing (September 13, 2001)
"There's a lot of money to pay for this. It doesn't have to be U.S. taxpayer money. We are dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction, and relatively soon."
--Congressional Testimony (March 27, 2003)
"Fuck You" --to Al Franken at the White House correspondents dinner (after he asked "Hi. Dr. Wolfowitz. Hey, the Clinton military did a great job in Iraq, didn't it?")
Rumsfeld
"But no terrorist state poses a greater or more immediate threat to the security of our people and the stability of the world than the regime of Saddam Hussein in Iraq."
--Hearing Before the House Armed Services Committee (September 10, 2002).
"You and a few other critics are the only people I've heard use the phrase immediate threat. I didn't, the president didn't. And it's become kind of folklore that that's what's happened."
--CBS Face the Nation, March 14, 2004
"We know where they [Iraq's WMD] are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south, and north somewhat....I would also add, we saw from the air that there were dozens of trucks that went into that facility after the existence of it became public in the press and they moved things out. They dispersed them and took them away. So there may be nothing left. I don't know that. But it's way too soon to know. The exploitation is just starting."
What recent high school graduate wouldn't want to attend this unaccredited institution, the Honor Academy, where one of the rules is "no dating"?
Don't worry, since you are a child of God, your child is then taken care of here. No need to worry about him getting influenced with secular ideas by...working at the local gas station... or waitressing at one of the city's food chains at night to help defray those costs, the Honor Academy states...
"No, interns are not allowed to have an outside job while at the Honor Academy. Life as an intern will stretch you in all areas of your life. In order to ensure that you have the time and energy needed to devote to the internship program, interns are not permitted to seek outside employment."
As the father of one of the intern states, "they can leave home, go off to college and get a lot of knowledge, or...they can get God's plan for their lives."
And God is pricey.... these programs can cost anywhere to $500/month to $1500/month, for yearly programs. But God is generous, all contributions are tax-deductible.
God also is not a socialist, he's a true American. You must pay for your own health insurance. No free office visits like those available on unholy "secular" campuses.
And what kind of worldview would these students be exposed of? ....only the best, of course....the book How Now Shall We Live? by Chuck Colson, the former Nixon aide that pled guilty to Watergate......Wonderful.
There is more important issues (like the intergalactic battle against evil fought by the US military and evangelicals everywhere), But I am truly upset over Google's announcement to pimp out YouTube even more that it already has.
Coming soon, fifteen seconds after a video is started, a banner will appear that takes up 20% of the screen. Ten seconds later it will disappear, leaving my experience of watching a Chiwawa bite someone's crotch, an Adam Ant music video, or a bird defecating on bush forever tainted.
The first advertisers will include: "Warner Music, News Corporation, 20th Century Fox and New Line Cinema."
Just so you get a last uninterrupted taste of goodness. I have enclosed the following:
End
There is an inherent, filthy, evil gripping Fargo, an evil so vile that it does not just play 80's hair bands (Also known in ND as "today's best music"), but it also "turns you on" while driving around the streets of our humble, values-based, puritanical garden that is Fargonia.
Obviously, like someone planning to put a silly homeless shelter in the Fargo area, it has caused an uproar. The finest printed dilutions in North Dakota, The Dakota Beacon, naturally jumped right on it. After much deliberation, they concluded that "fighting" the "liberal 'rock' media" very much outweighed the implication of fighting for a progressive idea, like that of standing up for the subjugation of women. They even allied themselves with the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center, which, if your dillutional enough to read the Dakota Beacon, you'd think is obviously a socialist-statist group.
Having an issue with our LEGAL billboard does not give you the right to attack our business. Or the business of our clients. Disrupting commerce takes down the economic infrastructure of our community. Is that what you want?
They even tried to arouse the Republican party-line,
Where your fight is, is with what can be regulated by the government. And no one wants more government interference. If you start with the billboards, then you'll have a long fight, because what you see on our billboard can be seen in many other VERY PUBLIC places. Just standing in line at a grocery store puts you in view of many magazines with "tips" on how to "make your man happy in bed". You don't have to open the magazine to see that. And there is usually some girl in a bikini next to it. Tell me that our billboard is worse than that?
So the Great Tankini Debate continues. Especially after this recent "sensorship":
(Yes, a hula skirt) Also, aren't tankini's what middle aged women wear to the pool?
End
Approximately six months after Israel was formally accused of having "broke the US arms Deal terms" (and those of international law) in using cluster bombs on civilians in Lebanon, Nicholas Burns, the US Undersecretary of State, signed another deal that will give Israel 30billionin military aid over the next 10 years (A 25% increase).
"The aid agreement with the US is an important and significant component for Israel, and proves once again the depth of the relationship between the two countries and the United States' commitment to Israel's security, and to preserving its qualitative advantage over other countries in the Middle East." --Ehud Olmert
No one should still be asking, "why do they hate us?"
However, to be fair, our tax dollars also bought bombs for Saudi Arabia ($20bn), Egypt ($13bn), and Qatar, Barain, Oman, and the United Arab Emirates all have to share $13bn worth of military "aid."
The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is his name. (Exodus 15:3)
It's not an advertisement for the Marines or even the Christian Coalition (well not formally). It is a good way to get today's youth militantly excited about Christianity, which is probably the best way to escalate this "war effort in any way possible."
Wayward Christian Soldiers, right back to the middle ages.
End
A Fortune 500 company is suing the American Red Cross.
Johnson & Johnson, which ranks as the 36th most profitable corporation in the United States (above Metlife, Pfizer, Dow Chemical and Microsoft to name a few...) is suing the American Red Cross for use of the emblem on inventory that is not specifically related to disaster relief.
This Red Cross inventory that is sold to the general public includes such items as first aid kits, sanitizers, and medical gloves.
According to the Red Cross, they had used the emblem six years before Johnson & Johnson put a trademark on the emblem.
Apparently, Johnson & Johnson and the American Red Cross have had good relations in the past, as the American Red Cross has sold commercial first aid kits for over a hundred years.
On the corporation's side, Johnson & Johnson allege that Clara Barton signed an agreement on how the Red Cross emblem was to be used. And this use has been violated.
So, what does Johnson & Johnson want from this suit?
..............do they just want the American Red Cross to cease using the symbol on their commercial products? That might be okay.
..........................oh no. Of course not. The corporation would not get any money from that, now would they?
Stop the Red Cross and its licensing partners from using the Red Cross emblem permanently on first aid, preparedness and related products sold to the public;
Surrender to J&J for destruction the Red Cross' inventory of accused products;
Hand over to J&J all Red Cross proceeds from the sale of these products withinterest
Pay punitive damages to J&J along with attorney fees related to its legal action against the Red Cross
According to the Red Cross, in 2006 they made only $2 million in revenue from the products in dispute.
***An average of 91 cents for every dollar the Red Cross spends is invested in humanitarian services and programs.
Johnson & Johnson may be able to pocket this $2 + million, putting it into their bank account along with their personal $11 billion in profits ($53.3 billion in revenues) they made last year.
O wonderful America. Freedom has its fees. Where a wealthy corporation may sue and collect money from a non-profit.
End
As the topic of religion and sex is always fascinating, one expects the usual “religion is for procreation” talk and that sexual toys are bordering on sin. Though not quite as socially damning as murder, it still is implied that Jesus doesn’t care to watch that Jack Rabbit Vibrator in action.
Therefore, It’s a good thing you have the sexual website of My Beloved Garden to turn to in this crazy, liberal sex-fetish world. So what do you do if you get a natural urge to engage in some kinky sex with your Christian spouse? Oh, and don’t worry, you won’t be getting this urge from anything that the sinful population engages in, such as Victoria Secret ads or that Wal-Mart lingerie aisle. This urge will most likely come from watching your wife ponder deeply over a Solomon passage or from watching your husband’s lips pucker as he leads the Lord’s Prayer.
But if you do decide to purchase a sex toy…excuse me, “Marital Aid,” then you need to know the dangers of the packaging. That’s one of the great advantages of ordering with My Beloved Garden; you have the peace of mind that you won’t have to sift through those packaging pictures of slim, silicone-injected, airbrushed, white females that grace the covers.And, of course, your husband won’t want to see any of that nonsense either…
So My Beloved Garden has their own disclaimer for their packaging…
… “All our packages are delivered in plain brown boxes with no pictures or writing on them…however the product itself in its original package may have offensive pictures on it.We recommend opening your shipped box together with your spouse…and then dispose safely of the packaging."
Note: to diminish the chance possible lesbian or adulterous thoughts, open it "together with your spouse."
Fantasy/Role play
So, after all those years of sex with the same person, same time, same bed, and same absence of clothes, you want to spice up your sex life a bit.Well, on the topic of fantasy/role play…
"Since God cares about our thoughts, not just our actions, there must be a line in this that we should not cross, but where is that line? A safe way to approach this is to say it's wrong to fantasize or act out anything it would be wrong to actually do. This means you must always play yourselves, not a real movie star or someone you know. It also means you must be married in the fantasy.
If you want to pretend it's several hundred years ago and you are a ship captain and a damsel saved from pirates, go for it (you got married at the nearest port). Or maybe you are husband and wife on a spaceship, exploring the bounds of the universe and the bounds of weightless sex."
I’m sorry, I should have warned about the explicit material you just read.
Fun with Freud
After years of using those two, titillating role-playing techniques that were outlined for you, Freud would be proud if you and your spouse tried Adult Nursing.
"Those who have this kind of relationship say it is a real blessing to them, and their marriage…working very diligently to 're-lactate' so the woman has milk for the husband…we can not find any evidence that there are health reasons to avoid adult nursing, nor can we find a Biblical principle that would preclude it."
I believe that imagination should be left to deal with that topic.
Also, while browsing their lingerie page, notice the airbrushed nipples?Oh, just enough to make a true Saudi zealot proud.
